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| Actual online review (not mine) |
It was a warm Friday night in September, a game weekend —Homecoming, no less — and our son's fraternity Parents' Weekend. We'd been looking forward to this trip all year. It was our first Parents' Weekend and I wanted it to be special — and it was, but not for the reasons I'd imagined.
We'd just checked into the Quality Inn in Opelika, Alabama. Back in April, when I first looked for a hotel room, I was shocked by the prices. Auburn is a small college town —not a a major metropolitan area —and yet the hotels near campus were $400 a night or more! For those lucky enough to land a room at The Laurel Hotel & Spa in downtown Auburn, the weekend price-tag was upwards of $800 a night! The hotels with rooms available for under $500 a night were run-of-the-mill chain hotels with mediocre reviews. My frugal self could not justify spending $1000 on a hotel room for two nights in Auburn, Alabama. I checked nightly rentals and found nothing. Literally nothing available for that weekend within a 30 mile radius!
Finally, in desperation, I booked a room at the Quality Inn in Opelika 20 minutes from campus for $200 a night. The photos showed clean rooms, a nice swimming pool and the reviews weren't too scary. I thought, For $200 a night, how bad could it be?
I'm not a hotel snob. I've stayed at my share of budget hotels. All I expect is that the room be clean and quiet and the bed, reasonably comfortable. Let's just say the very name of the Quality Inn over-promised. There were cigarette burn holes in the bedspread. The toilet, tub and shower were chipped and stained. The commode wobbled when you sat down. At 5 p.m. we could already hear other guests partying in the rooms above us, and just outside our door, pick-up trucks revved their engines as they sped through the motel's parking lot.
"It's okay!" my husband said as he poked a finger through one of the bedspread holes. "Let's just keep a sense of humor about it. Look at this way, we're making memories!"
"These are not exactly the memories I wanted to make this weekend!" I grumbled.
I tried to laugh but all I could think about was that we were paying $200 a night to stay at a dump that was a 20 minute drive to campus. Surely there had to be somewhere else we could stay.
While my husband relaxed from our travels, I walked outside to check options on my phone. I looked online and saw a King room available at the Clarion Inn and Suites near the university center. It was $300 a night but it looked much more amenable than our current surroundings. Maybe we could change hotels? I'd already provided my credit card to the Quality Inn and it was well beyond the cancelation deadline. Was it worth eating a night's stay at the Quality Inn in order to change hotels?
On my way to the building where we checked in, I walked past the pool. Online it looked so inviting that I packed my swimsuit. In reality no one had been swimming in that pool for a very long time. And just in case guests might not understand the lack of water in the pool as an indication to keep out, the yellow police crime scene tape around the gates sent a loud-and-clear message.
"Just keep your sense of humor," I told myself.
As I entered the check-in area to approach the lady working at the front desk, I smiled broadly and mustered my most cordial Southern attitude. I was prepared to make a case for how the hotel misrepresented its condition online in order to get out of our reservation, but it wasn't necessary.
Without a beat, the desk clerk said, "Honey, don't worry about it. I wouldn't spend the night at this place!"
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| Keeping our sense of humor at the Clarion. |
By now it was time to head to the Sig Tau house for the Friday night reception. On our drive to pick up our son, Jack, from his condo, I confirmed our reservation at the Clarion.
On the website the rooms looked bright, neat and clean. The photos showed a hot hotel breakfast buffet complete with a make-your-own-waffle machine, included in the $300 per night cost. It was much closer to Jack's condo, too. I quickly scanned the reviews and saw a few that were less than glowing. But people are always quick to share negative experiences, right? I set aside my concerns. After all, for $300 a night, how bad could it be?
We spent a pleasant evening at the Sig Tau house as Jack gave us the tour and introduced us to his fraternity brothers and their parents. After the meet-and-greet, we picked up Chinese food and headed back to Jack's condo to share a late dinner. It was a fun evening, and after a long day of travel, we were ready to turn in. It was after 10 p.m. before we drove into the parking lot of the Clarion.
"This looks MUCH better!" my husband said. "Good call!"
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| Nothing says, "Welcome!" like a torn front desk placemat. |
For $300 a night, how bad could the room be?
The Auburn Clarion Inn and Suites was built in 1970. When it opened its doors, its soaring two-story glass reception building must have the scene of many weddings and celebrations. But like any 52 year old who doesn't subscribe to routine maintenance, it was showing its age. Unfortunately for us — and the many other guests who were unlucky enough to assume that paying $300 a night for a hotel room meant having a clean, safe, fully operational and hygienic place to stay —the hotel's lobby was still it's best feature.
The King room we were given reeked of a combination of decades of cigarette smoke, pet urine, and mildew. We immediately returned to the front desk to see if another room was available.
"The hotel is completely full," Evan, the manager, said. "The only other room we have has two double beds."
With only a spattering of vehicles in the parking lot of the 200+ room hotel it seemed improbable that the place was sold out. But by this time, we were exhausted and just wanted to get a good night's sleep. Maybe we had been given a "bad" room? After all we were paying $300 a night!
The second room was better — but only by a lessened whiff of wet dog. There were cracks in the walls. The carpets were stained from five decades of God only knows what. We left the door open rather than inhale the noxious stale second-hand smoke. We didn't even bring in our bags for fear that the odor would permanently permeate our clothing. When I turned on the faucet to wash my hands, fruit flies swarmed my face. Even they were trying to escape this room! It was so bad, that it was indeed memorable — and I couldn't help but laugh.
"I'm so sorry, honey," I said. "I didn't think I'd long for the Quality Inn, but room this is worse!"
My dear husband looked at me and said, "There's only one way I can sleep here ... "
We left the hotel, drove straight to a nearby liqueur store and returned with a very nice bottle of rye and a bag of ice. Too late, we realized the Clarion didn't provide glasses. So we sat on the metal steps that led to the second floor of this sad hotel and sipped Whistle Pig from translucent plastic cups.
For the past two years, my husband and I have road-tripped together almost non-stop. We've stayed at beautiful resorts along the Sea of Cortez (for much less than $300 a night.) And we've stopped at our share of roadside motels and hotels. We've experienced many unforgettable adventures along the way, but this terrible, terrible excuse for lodging in the middle of Alabama was perhaps the most memorable we'd had to date.
It's easy to have a great time when you're staying at a 5-star resort, but to find the joy in a place like the Auburn Clarion Inn is, well, quite a feat. And yet, that's what my dear husband proceeded to do. I loved my him dearly before this experience, but his ability to find the humor and lightness amid this squalor made me admire him even more.
Somehow we managed to get a good night's sleep in that awful hotel room, despite it's acrid smell. Unlike the Quality Inn, it was quiet — another indication that the manager's boast about the hotel being full was not exactly honest. We were grateful for rest and as we showered that morning we laughed as the tub filled up around our ankles and made an awful gargling noise when it finally drained. In the light of day, the room was even worse. We dressed quickly and set out to find a decent cup of coffee.
Just down the road, Starbucks was our savior and just beyond the Starbucks, we spied a gleaming beacon of hope with a carefully manicured lawn and sparkling clean facade called the TownePlace Suites. I looked up the hotel online. No vacancies. But maybe, just maybe they had a cancelation? Miracles happen. It was worth a shot.
"My husband and I are here for our son's parent's weekend and we're staying at a place down the road that's really awful," I explained to Bianca, the friendly manager. "I was wondering if you might have had a cancelation for tonight."
"Oh sweet Jesus, you're staying at the Clarion!?" Bianca exclaimed. "Let me see what I can do!"
It wasn't lost on me that I hadn't mentioned the name of the hotel. How many desperate travelers had staggered into Bianca's lobby after a Clarion experience?
Bianca told me she'd just heard from a guest who might be checking out early. She took my number and promised to call as soon as she confirmed one way or the other. The TownePlace charged $429/night but Bianca said she'd give us a break on the room (to $369) if it became available. I thanked her profusely and skipped to the car to tell my husband the hopeful news.
The rest of the day, we had a great time. While Jack attended the game, we walked around campus and went to lunch before meeting him at the Sig Tau house afterwards. Periodically, I checked my phone to see if I missed Bianca's call. Finally, a local number popped up. I stepped away from the fraternity Corn Hole tournament to hear her say: "I'm so sorry. That guest decided to stay since Auburn won the game."
By that time, we'd perused other hotel listings in the area. The only options were budget hotels with negative reviews and even bigger price tags! For $400 a night, how bad could a Fairfield Inn be? We decided not to find out and resigned ourselves to spend one more memorable night at the Clarion.
Talking with other parents that day, we heard similar stories about over-priced, terrible hotels. But the Clarion was definitely on the the bottom of the heap. I managed to pick the worst hotel in Auburn — and we still had a great time.
Checking out on Sunday morning, we were greeted by the hotel's manager, Evan.
"How was your stay?" he said, cheerfully. "Would you like a breakfast-to-go bag?"
He lifted a brown paper lunch sack and smiled.
"No thanks," my husband said. "I'd rather not take anything with us from this hotel."
A confused look crossed Evan's face as we began to recount all the issues with our $300 room. He began typing our complaints into his computer to "record them for management." It was as though he hadn't heard about any of these problems even though there were dozens of recent reviews that reiterated the same tragic flaws.
"We're trying to keep a good attitude about this," my husband said. "But I wonder how this hotel chain could in good conscious charge $300 a night for a room that's so run down?"
"I'm sure you know the rooms look nothing like the photos you advertise online," I added. "Would you like to see the photos I took of our room? I have video of the fruit flies."
Evan shook his head and apologized profusely. Then he offered to reduce our rate to $150 a night, which we gratefully accepted. (BTW, it took a week and a call to our Visa company for the credit to actually show up on our account.) Even $150 a night was still way too much to pay (on non-game nights, that same Clarion Hotel charges $59/night) but somehow it felt like a "win" because my husband and I had worked through a difficult situation together and kept a sense of humor.
That morning, we picked up Jack and his roommate to take them out to breakfast. Over eggs and hash browns and waffles, we regaled them with our Clarion story. I gazed at my husband with a renewed sense of appreciation. I was so very grateful to be married to a man who could make a terrible situation fun. Certainly the Clarion was disgusting and it took several days to get the stench of the room out of our hair and clothing, but if we had stayed at the super-luxurious $800/night Laurel Hotel in Auburn, would we have had such a memorable weekend? I mean, for $800 a night, how good could it be?
PS: The following are just a few of the bad reviews recently posted about the Clarion Inn & Suites at Auburn on the Choice Hotels app. Wish I had read (and believed) them sooner!
